Just before you start reading this, it was written like some six months ago (May ending) so am glad to say that I'm not in that place anymore. I'm posting this very personal note I wrote so that you can see that even when we get to our lowest points we can make our way back no matter how bad it gets. I am no longer lost though there are still a lot of things I have to figure out but I have more courage, hope, perseverance, strength, and faith than ever before.
For once in my life I am very confused without a clue of where to turn
To wake up and find that all the things you felt were familiar aren't
All the places, people and relationships you built were on lies
That you could have done anything for the people that left you in the cold
That you have been made to look like a fool by people you trusted
I lay in bed every morning hoping that yesterday was a dream but it wasn't
Now everything that was once so familiar seems strange
And though there are still people to talk to I don't want to
There are no needs for words because my feelings cannot be expressed
The pain is unbearable and though I would like to share it can only be felt
I lay in bed trying to figure out how things got this bad
I lay in bed trying to figure out where I went wrong
All the memories and good times we've shared so far away
I thought that our bond was stronger than this
I thought that we were are at a point that we could make it from anything
But, obviously I was wrong.... really, really wrong
I think what hurts the most was that you were willing to talk to anyone but me
Why is the bad stuff so easy to believe?
I get that you were trying to find yourself but you lost yourself in doing so
You left me completely questioning all my relationships.
But I know that one-day would come that I would feel no pain no more
One day would come that my heart would not be so heavy
But today like the last couple of days am still lost but this too shall pass...
And it did pass (with God, family, and great friends)...It's been only a couple of months ago and am more fearless than ever before (I think) lol!!! So, there's nothing wrong in feeling down and defeated as long as you remember you can make your way back from anything. So keep getting up, trying to be okay even if you have to fake it sometimes and one day you would be okay:)
Love always,
Daddy's lil girl (Mbang)..xoxo
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Can't Stop Now......Got to keep fighting through the pain and obstacles
So I know that it's been a while since I’ve posted anything but lets just say that "Life Happened"..lol.. But, seriously this past months have been really challenging and tough for me but maybe not so difficult compared to what others go through but still difficult. There is nothing that hurts as much as betrayal and saying goodbye to someone you really do care for. Friendship, love, betrayal, heartbreak, disappointments well lets just say that I have my own share of them all but I am glad to say I made it through even though there were moments that I thought this was my breaking point. I never stopped writing but many of the things I wrote was at a point when I wasn't in a good place so I decided not to post any of those until I was doing much better. So much has changed since I wrote my last blog in April. I graduated from UMBC so I have my bachelor’s degree, I have taken the Lsat exam and there are many people that meant a lot to me that are no longer in my life. It has always been said that the most constant thing in life is change so I do not think all this should be all too surprising. Sometimes words cannot express how one is feeling but, lets just say that I have been going through some difficult times I’ve learned so much and am still learning from the last couple of months. These were some of the things I had to keep telling myself to get through it all...
You cannot let life change you, you cannot let life break you, and you have to try to keep moving forward no matter what. Just because its dark and rainy now doesn't mean the sun wouldn't come out eventually. You cannot stop believing your unstoppable and anyone that doesn't think so does not deserve to be in your life. Don't you ever let this world change you because it almost happened to me and it does not take much to allow that. If your going to do good do it without expectations do it for God. Do not be afraid to invest into relationships because you have been hurt or disappointed before because at the end of the day it would be your lose. Take your time to know someone and be sure your investing into the right people but the truth is at the end of the day you can never really know because people can be who you want them to be so just be careful but its worth the risk. But, do not let others suffer or pay for the pain and hurt others have brought to you. No one is perfect so if you do make a mistake, learn from it, re-evaluate yourself and move on. There is always room for individual growth and the ability for you to better yourself so do some self-reflecting when necessary. If you've wronged someone apologizing doesn't mean you lose your pride it just shows that your mature enough to handle things properly. Even if they do not forgive you at least you know that you tried and that you meant it. And if someone wrongs you I know forgiving them can be so hard especially when they never apologize or they keep doing more wrong things but forgiving people is for your good. So many times we have to let go in order to move forward and we cannot be asking God to bless us while we have so much bitterness and anger in our hearts so you see it can hinder our blessings. Despite how ugly and wicked the hearts of men may seem there are still good people out there who stand by you no matter what especially when the going is rough and hard. So many times, you would be surprised that those you may expect to be there aren't and those that aren't your closet of friends may be the ones there for you... One good thing the tough times does is allow you to know who your true friends are and those you can depend on. And if you make it through those times, you come out stronger than ever before... And never ever forget that you are not the only one who is struggling because a lot of people are, all you can do is keep trying. I've always believed that things/people/lyrics/words/music/stuff finds you when you need it the most so just keep holding on. Just like the song by REM says "Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes so hold on".For those of you that love it or do not know that song: http://youtu.be/ijZRCIrTgQc
Love always,
Daddy's litte girl(Mbang)...xoxo
You cannot let life change you, you cannot let life break you, and you have to try to keep moving forward no matter what. Just because its dark and rainy now doesn't mean the sun wouldn't come out eventually. You cannot stop believing your unstoppable and anyone that doesn't think so does not deserve to be in your life. Don't you ever let this world change you because it almost happened to me and it does not take much to allow that. If your going to do good do it without expectations do it for God. Do not be afraid to invest into relationships because you have been hurt or disappointed before because at the end of the day it would be your lose. Take your time to know someone and be sure your investing into the right people but the truth is at the end of the day you can never really know because people can be who you want them to be so just be careful but its worth the risk. But, do not let others suffer or pay for the pain and hurt others have brought to you. No one is perfect so if you do make a mistake, learn from it, re-evaluate yourself and move on. There is always room for individual growth and the ability for you to better yourself so do some self-reflecting when necessary. If you've wronged someone apologizing doesn't mean you lose your pride it just shows that your mature enough to handle things properly. Even if they do not forgive you at least you know that you tried and that you meant it. And if someone wrongs you I know forgiving them can be so hard especially when they never apologize or they keep doing more wrong things but forgiving people is for your good. So many times we have to let go in order to move forward and we cannot be asking God to bless us while we have so much bitterness and anger in our hearts so you see it can hinder our blessings. Despite how ugly and wicked the hearts of men may seem there are still good people out there who stand by you no matter what especially when the going is rough and hard. So many times, you would be surprised that those you may expect to be there aren't and those that aren't your closet of friends may be the ones there for you... One good thing the tough times does is allow you to know who your true friends are and those you can depend on. And if you make it through those times, you come out stronger than ever before... And never ever forget that you are not the only one who is struggling because a lot of people are, all you can do is keep trying. I've always believed that things/people/lyrics/words/music/stuff finds you when you need it the most so just keep holding on. Just like the song by REM says "Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes so hold on".For those of you that love it or do not know that song: http://youtu.be/ijZRCIrTgQc
Love always,
Daddy's litte girl(Mbang)...xoxo
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